I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
