She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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