she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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