TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
