can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
