sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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