he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
