he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
