I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
