i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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