Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
