I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
