i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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