it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
