There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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