please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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