I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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