Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
