i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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