you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
