the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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