They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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