Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
