If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
