I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
