dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will be naked everywhere
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
