That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
