Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
