They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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