That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
