you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
