when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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