This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
