i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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