I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
