so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
