I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
