4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
