Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
