Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
