pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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