there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
