So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
