I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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