Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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