you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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