You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
