I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
