I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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