she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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