ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
