Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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