I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
