dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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