Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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