don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
