Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You made out with two different species that night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
