Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
