omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
