There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
