Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
