I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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