I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
