Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
