Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
