**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
