I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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