It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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