I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
