Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
