And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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