let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
