guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
