There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
