wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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