Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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