someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
