vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
