I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
