yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
