woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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